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New Truck Emasculation

 

A new truck. Every man’s dream. V8. Four wheel drive. Four doors. Runs on dead dinosaurs. Dual zone climate with my side is set to 67 degrees and my wife’s at the temperature at the surface of the sun. Ah yes, the new truck purchase. Something every man -besides me- seems to look forward to.

See, I’m a “pay cash for something older and fix it as you go” kind of guy. Must be the hot rodder in me. I despise making payments and have been car payment free for a while. While my full time occupation keeps me behind the wheel for a good portion of the week I try to keep something reliable for daily driving. With a mess of kids and a few grandkids I need a rear seat, plus room for tools.

I sold my 2003 GMC Duramax about a year ago. An absolute MINT condition crew cab short bed with every option GM offered and 150,000 miles on the odometer. Of course I did the car guy stuff like a small lift and 33″ all terrains, touch screen tuner, monster fuel pump, big injectors, window tint, billet grill, stereo with 10″ sub, etc. Truth be told I loved the truck but when ya make ’em fast ya tend to break stuff too. I was always waiting for that next $1500 repair so I sold it.

I then picked up a nice condition Eddie Bauer Ford Expedition, threw some Craigslist wheels, 34″ AT tires, a small lift on it, Harley/Lightning headlights, a pre-runner brush guard and some 7″ HID’s for off road adventures. Yep, a MAN’S soccer mom vehicle, replete with matching 11 MPG economy and WAY less power than my previous Duramax, but it’ll climb anything you point it at! Fast forward to an odometer reading 197,XXX and filling up a 26 gallon tank every two days and I knew something had to change.

I shopped around for a while and nearly pulled the trigger on a RAM lease. Twice. Advertised at $300 a month seemed like a great option until I found out it was for a measly 10,000 miles a year. I do that in four months!

My wife (as usual) offered some sage advice (as usual). Short of beating me over the head she convinced me I’d never be happy with a lease. After all, how could I possibly add “my stuff” to a leased vehicle?

So yeah, I bought a brand new GMC with a warranty, which I don’t even know what that means because I’ve never had one. First new car I’ve ever bought and I’m not proud of it. At least it’s a truck I can still fix in my driveway if needed. And I get to add my stuff to it and drive it as much as I want. But the new truck thing is just foreign to me, I feel like I have to turn in my man card every month along with my new truck payment. To make matters worse they offered my two free oil changes!

Don’t worry, I don’t feel a need to grow a beard or wear red flannel. Damn hipsters ruined that for all of us.

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Eric Hibbs

Eric Hibbs

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